" I learned that it is the weak who are cruel , and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong . Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome adversity. "

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♥ Monday, December 26, 2011

MERRY CHRISTMAS! *Belated

Hellooooo, merry christmas people! Hehe, well, i did celebrate Christmas this year, just that it didn't turn out the way i wanted to be.

On the Christmas eve, my pretty sisters decided to have steamboat at Lyn's place. So ok, waiting for Adeline to end work while im at home relaxing. Hehe. Went out at 11pm plus to meet Adeline at Woodlands and waited for Jiani to go over to Lyn's place tgt, the most retarded thing is that we lost out way :( We made Wenloong to make all his way down from Lyn's place to fetch us and he told us that we're turning one big round from interchange because two more stops later we are going back to Woodlands interchange again, LOL. So we walked back to Lyn's place, everyone was waiting for us :( Hehe. Finally steamboat time! Thought i could really enjoy it, but my mum spoiled everything. After steamboat we watched ghost movie, but again, my mum spoiled it. Rushing me home and everything, so me, Adeline and Jiani cab home at 3am plus while others continue staying at Lyn's place. Reached home and i didnt sleep, i stayed awake until morning 7am plus and finally gets tired.





Woke up at 11am, get preapred and meet Elaine and Adeline at Bukit Panjang, went to Daiso for their cookies equipments at Bukit Panjang Plaza. Then cab to TiongBahru Plzaz to meet Peiling, its been really really long ever since i saw her. I've got a few months didnt see her alrd! Had our steamboat, tomyum! My favourite, hehe. Eat until we're all full, then bused to Town to do their shopping. Half way through Peiling went back first, and then Elaine's husband drove me and Adeline home! Happy girl because i had steamboat! :P

♥ Tuesday, December 20, 2011

17th's birthday for me! ^^

Hehe, hi guys! Sorry for not posting recently, because i was really busy! So... ytd i've gotten back my results, and guess what! I fucking passed my N's! To be honest, i really cant believe it, seriously. I thought i'd failed it because i didnt put in my 100% effort and hardwork into it, i just merely read through some notes and forced myself to rememeber everything, worst thing is that i studied last min! Yes, its last min! Ohmy...... but i still manage to pull it through, so now im promoted to secondary 5, i told myself once school start i must really really study hard, i dont want to regret, i want to enter poly.


Ok so, i thinks that passing my N's was the best present for me because i got my results on the 19th and 20th is my birthday! ^^
I thought it would be really fun, i mean, im not saying that my friends who helped me celebrate are not fun but, we were suppose to go to USS. But due to the weather we changed of plan and went to vivo for dinner instead, pictures will do all the talkings because im lazy to eleborate but yupp, my friends surprised me with cake and had our dinner at Thai express! :) (I know i've gain lots of weight as you can see from all the photos that my arms are fat and i have double chin, luckily didnt take my full body. Im sure my tights and tummy will scare the freak out of everyone, sigh..) Ok, some photos might look similiar because Gina that idiot pig keep on spamming the camera snap button on me when they start surprise me with cake till the end when i used my mouth to take out the candle. Some photos of me are really unglam but well, bear with it ok? ^^ Ready for the photo spam below?(I deleted some photos because it makes all my dec blog post missing) Hehe.











Really gotta thank Gina, Eunice, Bokmay and Changwei(our colleague) for helping me to celebrate my birthday though USS plan fail. But anw, the present they got for me was paying for my USS ticket, hehehe. Sweet or what? ^^ USS postpone to Jan!
Speaking of Jan, school starting soon in one more week plus? Gotta really work hard for my O's! Goodluck people! ^^ Bye. *Pardon me for the mess of those photos, i really did my best to arrange it but still failed.*

♥ Thursday, December 08, 2011

I wanna tell you how much i need you back in my life, im sorry for getting used to your presence that now i feel weird without you.

I just edited my blog heading above, hehehe and i feel satisfied although it cant be properly view using iPhone :( Anw, i had my steamboat ytd with Jovin and Adeline! Hehehe, nomnomnom! Went to Adeline's grandma place for awhile because both of them wanna play with Adeline's baby cousin, cute! And i went over to vivo to meet Gina at night, but i was freaking late for one hour /: Accompnied her for dinner and went home, i know its lame lah, LOL.

After i talked to Jovin, Adeline and Elaine. I realized how dumb i really was, to keep rely on others than to be independent. Yes, because im afraid to be alone.
I admit, im weak, i hate being alone because i feel inferior and empty. Whenever im alone on the train or bus, i will be fucking sensitive when other teenagers look at me because i feel imperfect, especially after they look and turn back to whisper. I SWEAR I HATE IT.
This is also why my friends treat me like small girl, even though some are younger than me.


Now im without him, there's nobody for me to rant to. He's the one who asked me to learn how to be strong, actually, i should have known that he will be gone one day. Just that i didnt expect it will be so fast..

And after having a talk with my friend, i find that actually no one is giving a fuck to me. Serious. So now, i should stop caring so much and led my own life. If you wanna step out of my life, go ahead, i wont stop any one of you because for now, i expect that everyone will leave me one day. Its just a matter of how long and short period of time you're staying. Well, friends, one day if you guys ask why i dont give a damn anymore, you should know why and you're most welcome to leave since most of you just disappear out of a sudden. Takecare, Xx.


I was trying out with my lappy webcam before i go out ytd, hehehe.

♥ Monday, December 05, 2011

I've a phobia of losing someone important to me.

Hi guys! Y'know, sometimes i really hate blogging because i don't know how should i start with it /: Hmmm.

As you guys can see my title for this post, "I've a phobia of losing someone important to me." Yes, i've officially lost someone that's really really important to me, im not gonna mention the name because of some personal problems but, i guess some people who knows me in person should know who im talking about after finish reading this post.

Well, i believe that everyone went through friendships problems before, it's like a MUST-GO-THROUGH thing in our lifes. I've been through once, a really hard one. So i learnt my lesson and cherish every friends i have as much as i can, but still, i failed. Be it relationships or friendships, both are hard. I used to have failed relationships, and thus, i dont really trust guys nowadays, especially when they starts their sweet-talkings. Ok, this isn't what im gonna blog about. Ha ha.

So.....

Remembered when im secondary 3 i had a ultimately super close friend(if you know me in real person or read my blog before)? Yes, she's the first friend that's important to me and i've lost her because of my wrong doings and some arguements. And i regret for not treasuring her, but what's done couldn't be undone, so i moved on and get over it, and i swear that i had a hard time moving on, i took months. And i tell myself that she'll be the last person im gonna lost, after her, no more.


Im sure that everyone hates how people walk in and out of our life, many complained, many rants, many starts to get upset and stuffs. I swear that i really know how it feels like, it really sucks. I cant stop complaining too, but slowly, i get used to it. I remember for a period of time, i've contact many different people and made lots of outside friends, but as time pass by, they left. Yes, without giving any warning. I cant stop complaining to my pretty sisters, and whinning on twitter after a few of them left, and i was thinking "Why am i giving a fuck to people who doesn't give a fuck about me?" So, i told myself that "Friends come and go, no one really stays." But then again, so what if im having that "Friends come and go" mindset? I still trusted and believed people in their words, which i know that most are just plain empty words.

I starts to get very emotional after this bestfried of mine left me not long ago, it's only about one week? I know that most of the girls wants a guy bestfriend that even others thinks they're couple. A guy bestfriend that you feel comfortable with, a guy bestfried that you can just be your true self. Sounds fun and cute isn't it? Well, apparently i had one, i can guarantee plus chop that he's really a good guy.

• He's the first person who will be there for me when i need someone to rant my sorrows and complain all my unhapiness.
• He's the first person who will text me immediately after he saw all my rantings on twitter.
• He's the first person who will call me straight after i told him im feeling upset.
• He's the first person who will make me laugh and give me advice at the same time when i told him about my crush.
• He's the person who will talk to me on the phone throughout the whole night just to make sure im fine.
• He's the first person who keeps quarrel with me because i dont listen to him with his good intentions.
• He's the first person who i wants him to keep disturb and irritate me and still dont get angry.
• He's the first person who i'd really try my best just to make sure he feels better when he dont.
• He's the first person who i told all my secrets to and i swear it's every single thing.
• He's the first person who i cried for when we quarrel.
• He's the first person who can pull my entire mood down when he ignores me.
• He's the first person who can brighten up my day when he's in a good mood.
• He's the first person who can made me smile when he said smth cute.
• He's the first person who treats me really well.
• He's the first person who i dont lied to.
• He's the first person who i dont mind telling him all my password, be it facebook, twitter or even my phone sms's password.
• He's the first person that i just want him to be happy because when he's happy, i am too.
  
• He's the first person who i dont mind him taking my phone to post nonsense stuffs on my twitter/facebook or even send nonsensical stuffs to my friends.
• He's the first person that i can be really open-minded with.
• He's the first person who i laugh at his sarcasm towards me and still dont feel offended.
• He's the first guy who i really feel comfortable with.
• He's the first guy who i can really be myself.

Haha. Do i sounds like we're couple? Yes? Well, there's really someone who mistaken us as one. I literally LOL-ed when he told me about it. Many said i've fallen for him, but no, i dont think so because i like someone else instead. Many said i'll be really happy and feel blessed if we are tgt, but again no, i dont think so because he had a girlf and we only treat each other as best friend and nothing more than that. I'd really really feel weird if we are tgt because we know each other too well, furthermore, he is in a stable relationship that alrd last almost half a year and they are really cute and sweet couple. I feel happy for them, speaking from the bottom of my heart. I want him to be happy. Things went on smoothly, and things i didn't expect happened, shall not elaborate on what had happen but, i thought this will be just a "normal" tiff we are going to have. Yes, i thought it would be...


Sigh. I tried ways to try not to bother about it but still, it affects me alot. I comfort myself by telling myself that he wont leave me in launch because he promised me and i know he's a person who doesn't likes to break his promise. I always believe that he'll be back till then, i realized somethings about him and i got really speechless. I couldn't believe it and i literally felt like i got bang by something hard, and that heart sank feeling caused me to burst out crying in the middle of the night. I cry myself to sleep and wake up as if im alright, this is one of the things we hate too right?

I dont get it, i dont get it what have i done to deserve all these. I apologized with the whole of my heart, i tried my best to treasure everyone i can but God seems to be playing a trick on me. I swear i really hate being ignored by him or quarrel with him, it really spoils my mood that whatever others do seems to be very annoyed to me even though it has totally nothing got to do or involved with them, at all. Maybe its karma? For i treated someone(another person) badly who's really trying to be good to me, i really felt guilty. I wanted to apologized but you know, i've got no guts to do so. I feel really bad that i dont even know what should i do so i just leave it. This person left me yet i cant be bothered at all, so whenever i thought of why would me and him end up being like this is because of my karma. And partly also because i took it for granted, whenever we quarrel i'll be thinking that "Ah fuck it, forget it. We'll be fine in a few days time." This time round, i dont deny that i had the same thinking too but i still fucking couldn't believe that he had left me for real.

So guys, dont end up like me, this is the biggest regret in my 17 years of life. Im not saying that i dont regret when that girl i've mentioned above left too, but at that time i was too ignorant, i didnt know how to cherish and treasure her, i dont feel the same when she left me compared to him. To be honest, i cant afford to lose him. I really couldn't but yet i have to accept the fact and face this shit. Please, treasure every friends you guys have before you regret, i dont want anyone to end up like me.
Guess i've been too emotional in this post...

♥ Thursday, December 01, 2011

Sometimes, you gave up on someone. Not because you don't care but because they don't.

Suddenly got the feel to blog..
So, its the start of December, how are you guys? Again, it doesn't turns well for me. My eyes got so swollen till it looks like i got punch. Shall post up my swollen eyes photo later, dont get shocked ;)
Anw, caught "You are an apple of my eye" today with my sist, i've been wanting to watch this, and i didnt regret watching it, nice show though, it makes me thought of you. And i cant stop listening to "那些年", it's a really nice song...
Ok shall paint my nails now, and this is my damn ugly swollen eyes and my fuck face, dont laugh. LOL.



You know, i've been giving in alot. I cried so much for you, sending you long text sometimes to show how much i cared and wanting to cherish you. Even sent you a long long fb msg, crying while typing. And all i get is nothing? You didnt even bother to reply me, i know im at fault, i told you it slipped my mind, i didnt mean it. You make me feel that you're leaving for sure, this time. You should know how much you've changed my life, i've never treat anyone this way before. You know how much it hurts to know that you dont care anymore? You know how much it hurts when you turn your back against me when i need you the most? You know how much it hurts when i stop seeing your name appear on my phone? I told myself that you wont leave me because you promise to and i know you wont break your promise, please, you wont leave, right? ..