I never failed to disappoint people, no matter how much i tried.

Ok so, it's a start of Nov, again some unhappiness crop up. I feel really fucked up now, but, im still gonna do a post of my own relationships and stuffs.

So basically, i've 11 ex. I will just name them by their initials. GJ, EW, HT, JT, ET, IC, YY, GK, WC, BY, TW.
But actually, if i were to say that those relationships i really put my effort into it, it's only 4. And they are ET, GK, WC and BY, the others maybe it's just crush but were officially tgt, and we did nothing at all, dont even look like couple, LOL. Not forgetting that i've some flings too, i dont deny that.

Before my first serious relationship, i start to have boyf when im primary 6, and had 4 ex in between primary 6 to secondary 1 which im not serious in because im still young, they are GJ,EW,HT and JT. Then i had a serious one when im in secondary 1, and he's ET. And i think it lasted for 3-4 months? He dote on me and love me alot too, and the most epic thing is that my first kiss was given to him, LOL. Ok this is stupid /: But i broke up with him because i fell for another guy, IC, which is also not serious one. ET was really sad, and recently i found out smth about him is that he still cant forget me, although it has alrd been 3 years going 4? I feel guilty, of course. But i tried not to care as much as i can, i know im evil but you'll find out why later.

So in between, i had some officially-tgt-but-not-serious relationship which is IC and YY. And then i got tgt with GK, i know i get into relationship fast last time /: And this is also why my reputation was spoiled that time. So when im secondary 2, i was tgt with GK for around 6 months going 7, and this is the longest relationship i had. Then my feelings for him faded because i met WC, he was in the same school as me. And i hereby to admit that i fucking two timed GK, yes i know im fucking evil and fucked up but i guess if someone who ever came across this kind of situation you'll know how i feel so dont judge, though i know whoever reading this still will. So i've been dragging this two relationships for two weeks, and i finally decided to break up with GK and get tgt with WC after two weeks, i think? WC has really been a good boyf, or should i say that he's the best boyf i ever had? I really do love him alot, more than anyone could imagine.
Me and WC get tgt when im sec 2 otw to sec 3, he was sec 3 when im sec 2, and then he retained so when im sec 3, he was in the same class with me. I feel happy of course, we were tgt for around 3 months, but then, slowly his feelings for me faded. So he treated me very coldly, i start to feel paranoid and lied to myself that everything is gonna be alright. But at last, he broke up with me, and im fucking sure that this is karma, for treating GK badly previously. I cried like some kind of dog, and can you imagine that i still have to face him for 5 days a week? In the same class for god sake, and i took around 8 months to forget about WC.
BUT, when im single for around 6 months, i met BY and had a crush on him. So we get tgt too, when im actually couldn't let go of WC completely, see how bitchy can i get? But me and BY had lots of quarreling in between, be it quarrel with him or his friends. Because one of his friend had a crush on me too, so im always being the middle one. I even caused both of them to break their friendship which they built up since Secondary, fyi, they were in ITE alrd. So yea, me and BY were tgt for around 3-4 months too, he broke up with me because we were having some tiffs. And he didnt expect that after that break up i decided not to patch back again, he really regretted for breaking up with me, he even teared. But as time passed, he and his friend reconciled, then they started to bitch about me, went around spreading about me too. Can you believe that two 17 going 18 years old guys were doing this kind of things?! And they claimed that this is call "love me alot"? Girls i can understand, but, they're guys. Omg -.- So after broke up with BY, i had quite number of flings in between, but im not gonna mention who.
I was single since August of 2010 till August 2011, i had another boyf, TW, which is this year around my N's, i only told a few people about this because i feel that its only a crush and im not serious with it. I broke with him after one month, till now im single. Actually i considered myself as single since last year August, im used to my single life i guess. In fact, because i really love WC alot and i know how hurt it will be like to be in a relationship if you put in too much effort, so i rather not to be to serious. Call me selfish or whatever i dont care. Thats why i choose not to care much about ET after knowing that he still couldn't let go of me.

So for now, i had a crush for two person at the same time, yes im flicked minded. Actually when im tgt with TW in this year August, i alrd had someone in my mind, i decided to be tgt with TW because i thought i've alrd forgotten about him, but no, i cant feel the happiness in me at all. Thats the reason why i broke up with TW. Actually, i had a crush for person A since this year april, and then slowly we break contact. Until June, i get to know person B and person B starts to like me, but i rejected him and slowly he gave up. Who knows, now, i realized that im starting to like person B yet somehow still thinking about person A. Me and my flicked minded, fucked up isn't? So, not long ago, about a few hours ago, i found out smth about person B and i got so fucking upset that i decided to off my phone and not to bring out tmr.
I kept telling my friends not to cry over guys, and yet me myself are doing it right now. I feel weak, unwanted and useless. Maybe this is karma, i always believe in karma.
I wanna thanks @GinaChua, @Phileoloveee (IreneTan), @BokMayNg, and @kidnapmyheartz (ShermaineKoh) for asing me to cheer up :) I really felt alittle better now.


Sometimes i really wish to work everyday, to make myself tired, stop thinking so much stuffs and numb those feelings away. I feel much happier when im working, here are some photos taken when i went for the job training and when im working.