♥, Zhenru @undescribablelov-e
I'll be strong and hold back my tears, because i know no matter how hard i cry , this love is not coming back anymore.
With loves,♥
Me, Myself & I
" I learned that it is the weak who are cruel , and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong . Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome adversity. "
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♥ Monday, November 28, 2011
You know I miss you so much that I have to keep my schedule occupied to prevent myself from thinking of you.
Sorry for not posting for so long, due to my lazyness and work, just a update to keep my blog alive because im really tired now /:
Have been working these few days, with Gina, Bokmay, Eunice, Angela and Edison. I really had lots of fun during my work, colleague were so friendly! But because my workplace was too far for me, so i went over to stay over at Gina'a place @ Bedok, again. Though its abit hard for me to get over it, and luckily my work keep me occupied, made me so tired that i immediately went to sleep upon reaching Gina's place. Now i kinda miss Bedok, i dont know whenever i go to east side(starting from Bugis till all the way end), i'll have a different kind of feelings, that i dont know how to describe too /: Ok weird, whatever.
On the last day of work, i was kinda sad because i know i'll miss working there, though my job assignment was damn easy that all my senior colleague wanted to take over me, hehe. Btw, my job assignment was just sitting down there in a room at a corner to take down queue and counter number, so whenever i wanna go toilet or a break, my senior colleague came and told me beforehand, "You later going for break remember to call me ah, dont call others! And go longer a bit, you walk one round go shopping then come back." LOL, cute?! So i was like "Oh, really ah? Okok" And the next day morning i got scolded -____- But still, one of the in-charge person there keep on snatching my job with me, he claimed that he helped me to pass the form end up he took away my form record board and asked me to sit down there and play my iPhone games, LOL. But of course i didnt, i just sat down there and happily eat my food and twitter. Im glad that i was being assign to this job, because everybody was complaining that how squeezy it was outside, and for me i was sitting down all the way, nobody squeeze me! ^^
Last day of work, Irene came down to look for me tgt with my KOI! Hehehe. She went for shopping and then came back again after she've done her shopping, then i saw her acting cute while waiting for me to come out. She and her friend, Henry was standing near the door, and facing it, taking photos. Its ok to take photo, but, everybody was looking at them! So i walked over and said, "Ah ah ah, take photo again, take more lah, continue." She laughed and pull me over with her to take tgt, cute not you tell me. So end up everybody was looking at the 3 of us taking photos /: I feel so weird because she was standing right infront of my booth, all my colleagues were looking. But its okay, that crazy girl happy can alrd ^^
Today, woke up a 12plus, shiok-ness! Because i've been waking up at 7plus for continuously 4 days, finally can sleep till i happy. Then a sudden plan to go to town for movie, after a one hour plus discussion with Eunice otp and Gina, we decided to watch "Already famous" first then "Breaking dawn", but due to the fucking rainy weather, it spoiled my mood and wasted lots of time so we didnt manage to catch "Already famous". The most fucked up thing is that i was carrying my SCHOOL BAG(thought that i'll be going home straight on that day), wearing some pasar malam clothes to town! Argh, and because of rainy day, my whole shoe were wet, makes me feel so uncomfortable and disgusted. Took cab to Cineleisure with Gina because we plan to watch our movie there and settle our dinner, but last min Eunice want us to go over to Far East to look for her first, so ok we feel so retard taking cab there and have to walk over to Far East. Meet up with Eunice, settled our dinner because 3 of us havent eat anything since morning! End up we decide to watch "Breaking dawn" at Bugis instead, so after our dinner we bused to Bugis, reached Bugis at 6.50pm and 3 of us rushed up to buy our tickets show at 7pm, LOL. Ok so "Breaking dawn" was nice though ;) But it makes me thinks alot, and feel so emotional /: After our movie we went to did some shopping for Eunice's romper and iPhone casing. But didnt manage to buy any casing because none caught my eye :( So went over to my shop awhile, and within 10mins, i took 3 clothes -___- Make me happy awhile. Went home after that, really cant believed that im wearing like that to town, LOL. I keep complaining non stop! Reached home and thought that i'll go to sleep straight, but end up i start to use my comp till now its alrd 5.45am, LOL. And i still have to go down to Tiong Bahru to return my Gillette's uniform at 10am, argh fuck. Ok i shall stop here now, bye.
♥ Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Can somebody show me that forever do exists?
Time to clean up some dust on my blog now.
Have been working these few days continuously, from morning till night, from Yewtee to Bedok. But, overall the Gillette Men's Shaver promoter was fun, better than the StarHub training i went at Bedok for the past two days after the Gillette event. Mainly because i got scolding for keep using phone -.- So last Fri-Sun was working at East Coast Road for the Gillette event, on the last day of the event, me and another of my colleague rush for the sales from 30 customers to 70 customers because the staffs there keep on complaining about us to our supervisor.
But im glad that Gina and Eunice came down after their work to meet me and accompany me till i end work as they ended earlier than me.
And Mon and Tues was having training for StarHub IT Fair at Bedok, Parkway Parade, tgt with Bokmay. First day Gina and Irene came down to look for me and accompany me for lunch, hehe! But mood got ruined cause i got scolded by the StarHub manager -.- Well, second day get another scolding too. I think i've got phobia for Bedok alrd, when i always used to love going there so much, LOL.
So for now, my agent called me last min to work for Gillette again till next Tues, thought it will be fun but NO :( West side people all so stingy -.- Totally no sales at all, not even one.
Off day tmr, gonna have my mini steamboat @ Rajah Inn at Tiong Bahru with Adeline and go for my facial after that!
***I love this crazy girl here!***
Yes, her name is Gina. We've known each other for 4 years since sec 1, we've been through up and down, quarreling and everything. Now, we've become closer. She's the one that will always asked me to meet her whenever she's free, cause she know i confirm will go find her one lah, LOL. And recently, she has been really really upset because of some personal stuffs. But all i can do is to advice her, and be her listening ear. Crazy girl, i really hope that you'd cheer up and stand up again soon. No point wasting your time on this kind of person who doesn't even care, i know now whatever i say will hardly get into your head, take your time, i promise i'll be patience with you. Remember, dont ever cry for a guy unless he's the one you're going to marry. We're still young, there's plenty of better guys out there, he's not the only one, furthermore, look at the way he treat you.. You dont even deserve this kind of treatment, dont hold onto smth thats gonna hurt you, the tighter you hold, the more pain you'll get. Cheer up, we'll go have your favourite chicken wings soon ok ♥♥♥
I've been working recently, to make my mind feel occupied so that i'll stop thinking about everything that makes me really feel unhappy. I just dont understand that why is it when i tell people how i feel, and yet they dont give a damn to me. But when i kept everything to myself, people likes to push all the blames on me, tell me what should i do now?
♥ Monday, November 07, 2011
My life isn't a playground for you to play your love game.
Im back to posting again, because i've nothing to do in the middle of the night like now? /:
I succeed in not using my phone for one day! Amazed by myself too, so im not gonna use it for 3 days, i'll just on my phone again on the 11th when im going to work, at Timah, AGAIN :( Boring shit seriously. Gina, Bokmay and Eunice are working tgt at Bedok, while i dont even know who am i working with! :( Pray not the two bunbun sisters!
Anw, i just checked my Formspring and there's this annoy asked me: "heard that you're not a virgin anymore, why do you keep claimed that you are?"
I didn't know that this rumours still keeps going on, so i didnt bothered to reply this annoy. But im here to tell you guys that im really really still one. I used to get really angry whenever people are spreading this kind of rumours and giving me those negative comments like "How many guys have you fucked?" or "You get fingered by your ex?" or "When did you lose your virgin?" or "At what age did you lose it?" or "Dont be a bitch, sleeping with many different guys doesn't makes you famous." so on and on comments which i cant remembered. Now when i think back, i realized that im really very childish to actually give a fuck about those untrue comments and even scold those people back. So slowly, i learned not to care about it thinking that this would stop, although those comments is decreasing, but i dont understand why are there still people asking me this kind of qns. Well, just because i've many ex? Having many ex doesn't mean that i aren't a virgin anymore. You see, this is society. When you had many ex, and just because you had many ex so you went to many different of your boyf/girlf places, and this is why others thinks that you gets fucked before by many people.
*** So this is the qns: "What era are you living in?"
I dont deny that i have many ex before, but i can tell you confidently that out of 11 ex i have, i only went to 3 of my exs' places, yes it's fucking true. BUT, the reason why people spreading that i alrd gets fucked before is because sometimes i did went to some of my flings' places, ok actually not that exaggerate that i have to use the word "some", actually i only went to two of my flings places. LOL. But, i can swear that we did nothing involved about sexual! Or maybe is because i used to changed boyf too fast? Ok this is shit seriously. I mean like, there's nothing special if you went to your ex places before, as long as you're clear conscience of what you're doing. No?
Total nonsense.
I shall go and spam my twitter now, still feeling as upset as ytd. Fuck this.
♥ Monday, November 07, 2011
I never failed to disappoint people, no matter how much i tried.
Ok so, it's a start of Nov, again some unhappiness crop up. I feel really fucked up now, but, im still gonna do a post of my own relationships and stuffs.
So basically, i've 11 ex. I will just name them by their initials. GJ, EW, HT, JT, ET, IC, YY, GK, WC, BY, TW.
But actually, if i were to say that those relationships i really put my effort into it, it's only 4. And they are ET, GK, WC and BY, the others maybe it's just crush but were officially tgt, and we did nothing at all, dont even look like couple, LOL. Not forgetting that i've some flings too, i dont deny that.
Before my first serious relationship, i start to have boyf when im primary 6, and had 4 ex in between primary 6 to secondary 1 which im not serious in because im still young, they are GJ,EW,HT and JT. Then i had a serious one when im in secondary 1, and he's ET. And i think it lasted for 3-4 months? He dote on me and love me alot too, and the most epic thing is that my first kiss was given to him, LOL. Ok this is stupid /: But i broke up with him because i fell for another guy, IC, which is also not serious one. ET was really sad, and recently i found out smth about him is that he still cant forget me, although it has alrd been 3 years going 4? I feel guilty, of course. But i tried not to care as much as i can, i know im evil but you'll find out why later.
So in between, i had some officially-tgt-but-not-serious relationship which is IC and YY. And then i got tgt with GK, i know i get into relationship fast last time /: And this is also why my reputation was spoiled that time. So when im secondary 2, i was tgt with GK for around 6 months going 7, and this is the longest relationship i had. Then my feelings for him faded because i met WC, he was in the same school as me. And i hereby to admit that i fucking two timed GK, yes i know im fucking evil and fucked up but i guess if someone who ever came across this kind of situation you'll know how i feel so dont judge, though i know whoever reading this still will. So i've been dragging this two relationships for two weeks, and i finally decided to break up with GK and get tgt with WC after two weeks, i think? WC has really been a good boyf, or should i say that he's the best boyf i ever had? I really do love him alot, more than anyone could imagine.
Me and WC get tgt when im sec 2 otw to sec 3, he was sec 3 when im sec 2, and then he retained so when im sec 3, he was in the same class with me. I feel happy of course, we were tgt for around 3 months, but then, slowly his feelings for me faded. So he treated me very coldly, i start to feel paranoid and lied to myself that everything is gonna be alright. But at last, he broke up with me, and im fucking sure that this is karma, for treating GK badly previously. I cried like some kind of dog, and can you imagine that i still have to face him for 5 days a week? In the same class for god sake, and i took around 8 months to forget about WC.
BUT, when im single for around 6 months, i met BY and had a crush on him. So we get tgt too, when im actually couldn't let go of WC completely, see how bitchy can i get? But me and BY had lots of quarreling in between, be it quarrel with him or his friends. Because one of his friend had a crush on me too, so im always being the middle one. I even caused both of them to break their friendship which they built up since Secondary, fyi, they were in ITE alrd. So yea, me and BY were tgt for around 3-4 months too, he broke up with me because we were having some tiffs. And he didnt expect that after that break up i decided not to patch back again, he really regretted for breaking up with me, he even teared. But as time passed, he and his friend reconciled, then they started to bitch about me, went around spreading about me too. Can you believe that two 17 going 18 years old guys were doing this kind of things?! And they claimed that this is call "love me alot"? Girls i can understand, but, they're guys. Omg -.- So after broke up with BY, i had quite number of flings in between, but im not gonna mention who.
I was single since August of 2010 till August 2011, i had another boyf, TW, which is this year around my N's, i only told a few people about this because i feel that its only a crush and im not serious with it. I broke with him after one month, till now im single. Actually i considered myself as single since last year August, im used to my single life i guess. In fact, because i really love WC alot and i know how hurt it will be like to be in a relationship if you put in too much effort, so i rather not to be to serious. Call me selfish or whatever i dont care. Thats why i choose not to care much about ET after knowing that he still couldn't let go of me.
So for now, i had a crush for two person at the same time, yes im flicked minded. Actually when im tgt with TW in this year August, i alrd had someone in my mind, i decided to be tgt with TW because i thought i've alrd forgotten about him, but no, i cant feel the happiness in me at all. Thats the reason why i broke up with TW. Actually, i had a crush for person A since this year april, and then slowly we break contact. Until June, i get to know person B and person B starts to like me, but i rejected him and slowly he gave up. Who knows, now, i realized that im starting to like person B yet somehow still thinking about person A. Me and my flicked minded, fucked up isn't? So, not long ago, about a few hours ago, i found out smth about person B and i got so fucking upset that i decided to off my phone and not to bring out tmr.
I kept telling my friends not to cry over guys, and yet me myself are doing it right now. I feel weak, unwanted and useless. Maybe this is karma, i always believe in karma.
I wanna thanks @GinaChua, @Phileoloveee (IreneTan), @BokMayNg, and @kidnapmyheartz (ShermaineKoh) for asing me to cheer up :) I really felt alittle better now.
Sometimes i really wish to work everyday, to make myself tired, stop thinking so much stuffs and numb those feelings away. I feel much happier when im working, here are some photos taken when i went for the job training and when im working.
Can i work everyday? I hate this hanging on feeling.
